I have always been a fan of lists.  I am a freak when it comes to organization, if I could organize things for a living I would do it in a heartbeat.  I make to-do lists, grocery lists, daily lists, travel lists and life lists.   About 10 years ago I made a life bucket list.  This list contains places I want to visit, things I want to experience, activities I want to participate in and goals I want to achieve.  Recently I was thinking about my list and realized I had donating my hair to locks of love as one of the things on it.  What a better time than to do it now.  Since my hair might start falling out anyways might as well rock a short hair cut until it does and help a cause in need while I am at it.  I downloaded the form for the donation and made an appointment at the Charles Ifgren salon right away.  The night before I cut it Bar and I decided to relax and enjoy our night by taking Kiaan to the Buckingham fountain for the first time and having a picnic. It was such a beautiful night to be outside and just relax.  I also wanted one more picture with my long hair to complete my trilogy of documenting my pregnancy journey.

It feels really good to have short hair and it’s definitely much easier to maintain!  Another amazing thing I learned recently is that the American Cancer Society offers 1 free wig for each Cancer patient currently undergoing chemotherapy.  I called them up and made an appointment with Sandra at the Healing boutique at Northwestern to pick out my wig.  Sandra was so sweet and accomdating for me, she let me pick my wig from the best ones she had.

This has been such a crazy journey thus far with adapting to things I never thought I would have to learn about- wigs being one of them.  I am now slowly coming to terms with new changes and realizing with time everything will be back to normal.

On Friday September 23rd at 8:50am I had my first Chemotherapy session.  My amazing parents came into the city the night before so they could watch Kiaan while I was getting my treatments (babies are not allowed on the infusion floor, either are dogs- was super bummed that Harrison couldn’t come with us)  I could barely sleep the night before because I was so nervous on what to expect the next day.  I read everything there was to know about my drug cocktail of Cytoxan and Adriamycin, it helps to have a Pharmacist husband who will give you all the facts at the drop of a hat. I also read and was educated extensively on the side effects of Chemo.  It’s interesting  when you come to an obstacle as extensive as this there are 2 kinds of people in the world, one is a person who wants to know all the facts up front and plans for the worst case scenario and the second is a person who wants to know all the facts but believes they will be the 1% who doesn’t experience the norm, I am the latter and Bar is the first.  I am a STRONG believer in the law of attraction or more popularly known as The Secret.  I know I can change the outcome of my life and circumstances by just attracting what I want.  This was first introduced to me by my sister, Sadhna and now we both always apply it to our lives.  As soon as I got my diagnosis she reminded me of the secret.  So I started to do more research on it and other avenues of faith to help me cope because otherwise I would just spend my days crying.  I came across further additions to the secret on Amazon and purchased both books right away.  These are what helps me whenever I need a reminder or positive reinforcement that everything is going to be okay.

We arrived at Northwestern at 8:30am and got called right away for blood work, they have to take my blood at each visit to monitor my white blood cell count before I can get my infusion.  After my blood draw we got placed in an exam room so I could meet with the Physicians Assistant and she could go over my blood work and measure the tumor size.  We waited for quite awhile before she entered the room.  She came in and went over the timeframe for the infusion which is 45mins for 1 drug and 20 mins for another with a 45min pre-drug to help with the nausea.   She also went over the side effects yet again.  She told me that after the infusion I would be taking a steroid at home for the next 4 days and that if I felt ANY nausea to take my as-needed meds.  She stressed that once I would start throwing up I most likely wouldn’t be able to be stopped and would potentially then be hospitalized for dehydration – I took this point to heart as I was not about to set myself back and ever get hospitalized during this phase.  After all the education she measured my tumor with palpation and stated that it was 4.6cm which is the same measurement for when I first met with the dcotor 2 weeks ago.  This was good news that it hadn’t changed since we delayed treatments because of fertility.  Getting the infusion was practically painless.  I had an amazing nurse who placed a flawless IV in my left hand.  I just felt a cold sensation as the drugs entered my body and at one point just felt a little drunk lol.

I was told to drink water throughout the infusion to combat any nausea that could occur.  I must have drank a gallon of water.  All the infusions went by very quickly and before we knew it, I was done.  I had completed my first session of Chemotherapy.  We got in the car to come home and I started to feel an overwhelming sense of exhaustion.  We came home to my parents and younger sister, Gargi at our condo.  It was so nice to see them and feel the sense of comfort only a family can give you.  They all left after about an hour and I told bar I needed to sleep.  I took a nap for about 2 hours, when I woke up I felt ‘off’ but fine overall.  We took Harrison and Kiaan for a walk and when we came back I told Bar to invite our friends, Kautook amd Forum to go out to dinner.  We picked up our friends and went to Connie’s pizza 5 minutes from our place, we sat at our table and all of sudden I got this feeling that I was going to throw up.  I  tried to brush it off thinking that these symptoms were not supposed to happen until 2 days post-chemo.  The feeling however, instead of subsiding was only getting more intense.  I looked up at Bar and we both realized we didn’t  have my meds with us, he immediately decides to rush home to grab them. Meanwhile I got up from the table and started making laps in the parking lot hoping that the fresh air would calm the nausea.  I walked laps for what felt like an eternity.  I saw Bar’s car finally making its way back into the lot, he gets out gives me my meds, I take them.  We go back inside to our friends and Kiaan and talk for another 10 minutes before I realize I am still not getting any better.  At this point I want to go back to Northwestern and get these drugs out of my system.  I try and divert my attention as we pack up the food and head home.  As soon as we get home I crawl into bed and fall asleep.  When I awoke the next day I felt like myself again.  Stats are just stats until you experience it.  Every doctor and research told us not to expect any side effects until 2 days post chemo I instead reacted the first day.  My next 2 days and everyday after have been amazing.  We were able to go to brunch Saturday morning and I was able to do my first work-out post fertility as well!

Another important aspect of treating my body besides chemo and exercise is diet.  I have been doing extensive research on what foods to stay away from and what foods to eat to help ease any and all side effects of chemo.  There are certain healthy cells that chemo drugs destroy in order to destroy the tumor cells as well.  Healthy cells of your gut, gums and hair are all affected.  With this in mind we incorporated a probiotic in my daily routine along with cultured yogurt.  I am a strong believer in inflammation in your body causes disease so I adapted a Paleolithic lifestyle as well.  This is what  my breakfast usually looks like. Antioxidants, cultured yogurt, protein, aloe Vera and of course a green juice(courtesy of Gargi or Mama Kumar)

Another unfortunate side effect of all breast cancer chemotherapy is hair loss.  This was one side effect I could not wrap my head around. Hair loss to me meant everyone would know I was “sick,” and I hated that I would be classified in this group.  After much support from family and friends saying everyone wears wigs, hair grows back and you have a nice shaped head, I slowly started to come to terms with it.  My supportive research driven husband made 2 appointments for me to meet with hair stylists who specialized in custom natural hair wigs.  After meeting with them and ordering a custom piece from J.crager alternatives I now feel more at ease.  I learned that hair doesn’t fall out until after your second round around Day 17 of chemo.

Another test we were waiting the results on was my genetics test.  I was tested for BRCA1/2,  PABL2 and TP53 on Tuesday September 13th and was told it would take over 4 weeks to get the results.  The results of this test would determine if my sisters or any future daughters I would have would need to get tested.  The results of this test would also determine what surgery options I would be presented along with my future for long term drug therapy.  On Thursday September 15th I got a call from my insurance company stating the genetics test I had done recently was not going to be covered.  As soon as I received this phone I called my genetics counselor right away.  We started emailing back and forth about the insurance coverage.  After about an hour she calls me saying she just got off the phone with the lab and assured me the test would be covered and that she also had my results – I put her on speaker phone and she told me I was NEGATIVE for all the genetic markers!!!  I got off the phone and rejoiced with Bar, Kiaan and Harrison! This was the BEST news we could have received a week before starting chemotherapy and we could not be happier! I immediately texted my sisters, called both sets of parents and hugged and kissed my beautiful little family.  This was the beacon of light amidst a heavy storm.

Hi Everyone!  We were blessed with a healthy baby boy on August 4, 2016 after 3 hours and 48 minutes of completely natural labor (just the way we planned it)!  Little did we know our lives would change 2-fold within the weeks to follow.

At around 30 Weeks pregnant I felt a lump while getting ready for work in my left breast- I asssumed it was a milk duct coming in to prepare my breast for the upcoming arrival of my little boy.  Later that day I was browsing social media and a friend of mine posted a story about herself and her outcome.

This post got me thinking about my lump so I mentioned it to my husband, Bar later that week.   He stated we should tell our OB/GYN at our next visit.  Our next visit was a quick one and we forgot to mention it (pregnancy brain is a real thing!) At our 37 week check-up we mentioned it to our doctor, she palpated it and wrote me a prescription for a breast ultrasound.  I told her at the appointment that since I was so close to delivering our baby I would wait to do the ultrasound until after he was born- she objected but understood my concern.  Fast forward 2 weeks post baby Kiaan.

Bar was off of work for a couple of weeks after I had Kiaan so with that time frame in mind I made my regular doctors visits to get me back to health.  I made a dentist appointment, an eye appointment for a lasix consultation and my breast ultrasound. I went for my breast ultrasound to Northwestern on Friday August 25th at 7am.  During this appointment the radiologist came into the room and stated from the imaging she couldn’t tell if it was a milk duct or something else, she recommended me to stay and get a mammogram.  The tech took me right away and did my mammogram (one of those most painful things I have ever had done considering my lactating boobs because of breastfeeding) after my mammogram the radiologist took me in a room again and showed me the results.  As soon as she pulled up the images I noticed a giant oval shaped calcification I said that to her too and she knew from that moment that I had a healthcare background and spoke to me straight.  She explained to me that I needed a biopsy to figure out if this calcification was benign or malignant.  I told her since it was Friday I didn’t have enough breast milk pumped for my newborn to get him through and I needed to go home.  She said that it was fine as long as I made an appointment for Monday.  I left the hospital concerned but not quite worried yet.

I came home told Bar about the results and we decided to make my appointment for early Monday morning since he was off and could stay home and watch Kiaan.  On Monday August 29th the great radiologists of Northwestern performed a flawless biopsy of my left breast and told me they would call me with the results within the next 24 hours.  I went home continued breastfeeding and patiently waited Tuesday to arrive.

On Tuesday August 30th Bar, Kiaan and I went to dinner at Pompeii in Little Italy. I was watching Kiaan at the table as Bar ordered our food.  My phone started ringing and it was my Radiologist with my biopsy results.  She stated that I have a 5cm invasive ductal carcinoma lesion and that I needed to make an appointment with a Breast Cancer surgeon right away.  She said if I called and they couldn’t get me in for whatever reason to give her a call and she would make it happen.  While on the phone I looked up at Bar and started crying, immediately he told our waiter to pack our food to go.  We went to the car and talked about my results and since he was still off of work this week he made me get on the phone and call right away to make the next appointment.  I called Dr. Hansen the Breast Surgeon’s office at Northwestern and they scheduled me for an appointment with her that Thursday.

On Thursday September 1st we met with Dr. Hansen.  She performed an exam on me and stated that I need to stop breastfeeding as soon as possible.  She also had the results of my biopsy markers.  She explained to us that I had Triple Negative Breast Cancer which means that the cancer is not affected by hormones such as estrogen, progesterone or HER-2.  This cancer is rare, aggressive but the great news is that it responds the best to Chemotherapy.  This was one of the most emotional doctor visits through all of this because I was told I had to stop breastfeeding and that I needed Chemotherapy.  With my natural attitude towards everything I had planned to breastfeed Kiaan for 1 year, I have never taken any medications in my life except OTCs and never had been hospitalized until the birth of Kiaan.  This was all an extreme shock for me.  After our appointment we were told our next steps were to meet with the Oncologist and fertility.

On Friday September 2nd we had an appointment with fertility and our Oncologist. They advised us to make the appointment with fertility to preserve embryos for future pregnancies in case the Chemotherapy drugs destroyed my ability to get pregnant naturally.  We met with the Oncologist and she gave us more details of what to expect with everything. She went over details of all the drugs and the duration, all pending the genetics results for BRCA1/2.  She said I would start chemotherapy once a week every 2 weeks for 8 treatments.  We would start chemotherapy after fertility was complete to preserve our embryos.

After our appointments we went to Eataly to talk about our fertility options.  We decided to move forward with the fertilty and I realized at that moment that I also needed to stop breastfeeding.  Here is a picture of my last time public breastfeeding Kiaan.

As I look back on it I am glad I got to at least breastfeed him successfully for his first month of life.  I completely stopped breastfeeding that Sunday.  Stopping my milk was again one of the most painful things a human body can go through.  I stopped cold turkey with the help of cabbage leaves, a sports bra and ibuprofen.  I was determined, I suffered for 3 days and my milk completely stopped that Tuesday.  We started fertility treatments Thursday September 8th and had my egg retrieval Saturday September 17.  The day of my egg retrieval I was so excited to finally be DONE with doctors appointments and visits.  Up until this point I had gone to Northwestern every day of the week and just wanted it to be over.  We had scheduled my first Chemo session for Friday September 23rd so I was relieved to have 1 week to my self, my baby and my husband to not think about the road ahead.